New York Done Down South

As 2013 is ticking away and I look back on the year it was in my life, I am amazed at how much has changed for me the past 365 days.  A large part of the changes began when I started boxing.  But the funny thing about life is that even though my boxing has been about me developing as a person, it can effect others as well.   From people who tell me I make them want to try pad work to my trainer, it seems my workouts didn't just play a part in my life. 
There is no way that any other trainer could get me to do the things Espo has taught me this year.  As grateful as I am for that, I am as happy that we have become friends.  
So, there is no one better than him to write the first "Guest Author" on this blog.

"New York Done Down South" 
By Adam Esposito, Espo Boxing

It was a Saturday morning and I was a new trainer at a North Carolina gym covering a kickboxing class for another trainer who needed the day off.  Usually, I was on the other side of the gym teaching the technique aspect of the sport but when asked, I thought “how hard could teaching a cardio class really be?” All I have to do is keep them moving and keep them engaged.  I had my own way of wanting to go about teaching this class and I went on with that Saturday morning as planned. The hour was up and everyone seemed to be pleased. I got through it with no complaints, hopefully made a few new fans of my class and all was good in Esposito world.  While I was saying my goodbyes and thanking everyone for joining me in the workout, I was called out on my accent. She was the only one in the class that knew when I said "tree" I really meant “three” and it was supposed to be a left hook.  She was from Long Island and I was from Brooklyn. The code was already set and the mutual respect was already a given. We became friends and she began to frequent my classes that I now started regularly teaching. She always gave it her all and wanted explanations on technique. How to distribute the weight on her punches properly and the science and reasoning behind it. As a coach that is what you want in your students. It was also a fun mix being her friend where she can bust my chops in the meantime.

It was another week and another class. I wanted to mix it up from the usual bag work routines that I did with everyone and add some pad work. I remember getting the death stare from Robyn as she began to tell me how much she hated pad work. I thought to myself how can you hate if you never gave it a shot. I knew it was foreign to most and intimidating so I understood her reasoning. She got in her few combinations and did great. I gave her the look that she knew meant “I told u so.” We were both pleased.

Fast forward 3 months. I left the gym that I was working at and an opportunity to start my own business fell into my lap. The timing couldn't have been any better and I was able to do what I love; Giving people a great workout incorporating boxing pad work.

Espo Boxing offers a fast pace type pad work training consisting of a lot of high number punch combinations at a fast speed. It’s a great cardio based workout along with a great skill set to learn. Every punch and every block has its purpose and it’s a fun way to get in shape. Robyn was my first client and for her this was her first time with a full workout geared only towards Pad work. We took it slow the first day and just went over the basics. I wanted to make sure her punches were turning over the right way, her hands were coming back to protect her face, weight was distributed properly and proper footwork was intact. I knew after our first session she got a good workout but I wasn't sure if this was what she wanted to base her exercising around.

Luckily for me (I will explain more later) she was hooked and I was ready to take part in this journey with her. A lot of hours in the gym, hard work and drilling combinations over and over. Some days were better than others but she always kept pushing. I was her #1 fan.  She was her harshest critic. It was my job to let her know how much she was progressing. This is when I started videotaping our sessions. She was very hesitant at first about doing these videos. I knew this was the only way to get through to her how good she really was. Months down the line and there are videos to document how much Robyn has improved.

It’s the end of 2013 and I can’t even tell you how many people talk about how fast her hands are and how far she has come. As much as I came into Espo Boxing with a background in boxing and muay thai, things changed when I started training Robyn. She gave me a whole other reason as to why I want to inspire and train people. No one I have ever met works out as hard as she does. Whatever limitations there might be is always overcome by the size of her heart and will. She has made me a better me a better trainer and person.  At the end of the day I can say I did this for a very close friend as well. That means a lot.

Every Action Has A Reaction..... Or Does It?

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”  
- Socrates


One of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard wasn't from a friend or loved one, but from Dr. Phil while I was watching TV from my hospital bed 8 years ago.  To be honest, my memory about his guests or even the topic for that day's show are nonexistent.  This is not shocking as I have few memories of that year of my life.  But I remember his words, "You can't control others' actions, but you can control your reaction."

Since that time, I have held that simple sentence in my conscious.  Also, I'm sure many of my friends would attest to the fact that it has become my favorite piece of advice to give out.  In a way, it has become my mantra.   It has served me well from work situations to family to friends to random circumstances with strangers.  By understanding that statement in my life, some things that have bothered me for years no longer get to me the way they once did.  Overall, I have been able to have a calmer demeanor because I have chosen that as my reaction.   If you don't believe me, test it out this holiday season.  When that family member says/does something ... the same something that gets under your skin every time... choose to have a different reaction.   Choose the reaction of not letting it get to you.  I often decide to react in the way that involves an inward eye roll, thanking God I am not them and to not give them the satisfaction of an ounce of my energy.

At the same time, I am going to remain 100% honest.  This is not to say that I don't react negatively to any situation.  I do... regularly.  I am someone with strong opinions, convictions and believe that there are many times that you need to have a non-passive reaction.  Especially when it comes to defending yourself and your loved ones.

Until recently, despite all this personal development inspired by this one statement, I never realized that I had not attempted to apply it in my biggest struggle in my life.  Unfortunately, this realization came after damage was done.

The box that I have been living in for so long is complex, both negative and positive.  On the negative side, it is made up of, but not limited to, self-fulfilling prophecies, hurtful memories, repeated failures, betrayed trust, bad choices, fear and frustrations.  The box has had the ability to detain me because all those negatives intertwine in such a way that one will cause the other and the glue that holds them together is the overwhelming desire to protect myself from hurt, failure,and betrayal.  

Inside that box I have fought my struggle on my own. Getting fit was always the big objective, but I would often be satisfied with just making sure further damage to my heart and soul was avoided.   

Shortly after I moved to North Carolina, I went to a gym to check it out.  I wanted to start a fitness routine as soon as possible.  The gym was clean and seemed to offer everything that I wanted.  I signed the paperwork and made an appointment for my free Personal Training evaluation  (AKA the sales pitch to buy a training package).  I was willing to consider a trainer so I was looking forward to it.  The trainer asked basic questions and rattled on.  At the end of the appointment she showed me a paper with her recommendation for my training.  The proposed dollar amount was much more than I could afford.  I told the trainer such and asked her if there was a lower amount she could recommend.  This trainer than told me that I needed to spend the money on this because if I did not, I could not spend money on anything else because I would be dead.    I never walked back in those gym doors again.   I did not walk in another gym's door for almost 2 years.  

In my mind she judged me and did not want to train me.  Her words stabbed my heart and depleted my motivation.  Although I really wanted to work out, to save myself from embarrassment and sadness, I just avoided it all together.  

Those 2 years made me regress.  The progress I had made prior to that was thrown away and then some.  Once I got back into a gym, it still took until my boxing training to feel comfortable with myself at the gym with other people.

I remember the first time that Espo asked me if I wanted to video tape one of our drills.  I was mortified.  When I finally let him tape one and he wanted to post it to show people our progress I had a complete panic attack.  Although he tried to convince me that I was good and that people would be impressed, all I imagined was people watching the video and seeing me shake and bulge in places that I shouldn't.   He can tell you that I would refuse to watch the videos in between drills.  I don't know if Espo knows why I wouldn't but it was because if I did, I would be, mentally, a wreck for the rest of the session. 

It took time, but finally I believe that I have become good at this skill I have worked on.  But that alone did not allow me be okay with the videos being posted.  There were 2 other keys to moving on:

1. I chose my reaction to "haters".  If someone was going to look at the video and only see the negative, that was their loss.  If they could not see my progress and the dedication, I decided I really didn't care about their opinion.
2. I chose my reaction to my past.  Life isn't perfect.  I am not perfect.  However, I realized that I can either continue to carry the pain & fear of past incidents (like the obnoxious trainer) to keep me from progressing OR I can let it go and move on.   I chose the latter.

Again, this choice won't change me overnight.  However, making this switch in my mindset has had a great effect on my daily life.  Letting go of a past of feeling judged or dismissed has not only made it easier to move forward, but it has freed me from being in a defensive stance at all time in life.  I am not waiting for the need to shield myself from pain.  I am assuming positive and dealing with negative when it comes.

So although Espo tells me to keep my hands up to protect myself at all times in boxing,  the sport has allowed me to let my guard down and relax outside training.  

 

The Positive Side of Giving Up Hope

"Change is not a destination, just as hope is not a strategy." - Rudy Giuliani

I love Rudy Giuliani's quote above and in a later entry, I would love to cover the first part "Change is not a destination," but right now my heart is drawn to the latter part.
"Hope" is a soothing word.  Hope is something we all need in our life in certain aspects.  As a child I hoped that Santa would bring me the gifts I wanted.   That kept my eyes full of wonder and helped my parents keep me in line for a month of the year.  When my family members have been fighting a disease like cancer, I hope that they will be beat it.   Hoping is the only thing I could really do in those situations because those are situations out of my control.  
I have tried various weight loss techniques and fitness routines; some have been more successful than others.  In between each of these attempts, I never stopped hoping I would be athletic and thinner.  But that has been my problem for so many years.  The majority of my time that I was "trying" to be healthier all I was really doing was hoping.  As in Rudy's quote above...  Hope is not a strategy.  Hope alone never got me to lose one pound, made me lift any more weight or be a second faster.   
Despite the fact that I was absolutely terrified of boxing mitt work, I hoped I would one day be able to do it.  The first gym I tried group fitness boxing classes at would post some videos of mitt work that Espo would do with one of the members.  Although I didn't know him or her, it would fascinate me and, to be completely honest, I thought it was bad-ass cool.  The funny thing is that as much as I admired it and hoped I could do it one day, I wanted nothing to do with the pads.  I did everything i could to avoid a trainer walking up to me with them.  
After the first time I did mitt work with Espo, I knew that I really wanted to get to the point that I felt I was good at it.  Not that I wanted to fight anyone but that I was proud of what I learned.   But I also realized that the past 8 months of hoping didn't get me any closer.  I needed an actual action if I wanted to learn.  Hope was not going to cut it anymore.   I finally understood that commitment and hard work was the only path.  I gave up hope that day, but in a good way.  By giving up hope I took control of my own success or failure.  Espo told me that if I put in the work he would as well and get me where I wanted to go.  As usual, he held up his end of the bargain and beyond.
The same goes for my eating & drinking habits.  Years have gone by with a hope that I would stick to a program long term.   I gave up hope. Lately, I have taken control and made myself commit to a program.  Although it has not been long term yet, I have not given myself the option of long term failure.  I'm not hoping I will stick to it.  I am making myself follow through.  
Hope is good for Santa.  Hope is great for disease.  But sometimes giving up hope is the only way to actually achieve what you are wishing for. 

Focusing Through Frustrations

“To conquer frustration, one must remain intensely focused on the outcome, not the obstacles.”- T.F. Hodge

My initial thought is that it would be great if I could bypass all the frustrations on this journey and just experience the success.  However, the more I think about it, the obstacles and frustration that you work through makes the successes that much sweeter.
People who know me well can tell you that I am often my toughest critic.  I can get frustrated easily when I am not able to do something correctly.   My frustration takes over my mind and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.  I actually convince myself because I didn't do something correctly this time, I never can.  Because I will live in that mindset, it becomes reality.  That is how I normally operate.  Part of this journey has been changing that knee-jerk reaction.
When I started boxing with Espo, I would get frustrated when I couldn't remember a combo, I thought I wasn't going fast enough, or my form was completely a mess.  I would shut down and throw my hands down.  The smallest mistake would get to me and I would want to stop, even if it was just for the moment.  One of the things I appreciate most about my training with Espo is that he never let me give up on the training or myself.  When I threw my hands down, I just heard "Hands Up."   When my mind started to doubt myself during a break he told me to shake it off.   Each time I ignored the frustration and proved my negative mind wrong, it was a happy, peaceful feeling that came over me that I don't have the proper words to describe.  It did take some time, but my mind never reaches that point while training anymore.  Yes, I still get frustrated when I mess up a combination.  But my immediate reaction is to keep my hands up and shake it off.  I never thought about it until now, but apparently he was training my mind as well as my body all this time.
During my strength training with Josh I also learned a great lesson about my frustration.  I have a bad knee, which causes a bad hip on the other side, plantar fasciitis, limited abdominal muscles (due to a past illness), and a hernia.  The poor guy has his hands full with me.  Often he would give me exercises to do that I struggled with because I physically could not do them the way he could.  The moment I struggled that negative mind of mine would kick in.  My thoughts would go from wanting to quit because I should probably accept that I can't do it to being embarrassed about how weak I was.  It seems so obvious now but what he taught me was that if I could do it perfectly we wouldn't be working on it.  There had to be struggle to improve.  He praised my effort and convinced me not be so hard on myself.  
With Espo training my mind and body, while Josh supporting me and strengthening my weak spots, I turned a corner without knowing it when it comes to working out.  I realize that in order to get better I need challenge.  When I am challenged, I am not going to be perfect off the bat.  I need to focus and work out it until I succeed.  When I succeed, I appreciate the effort that went into it and take a moment to be proud of it instead of just being relieved.  And recently, I also embraced the last step which is to make sure I bring on the next challenge swiftly. 
Learning how to focus when frustrated has been so valuable in my journey.  This is why my number one piece of advice to the other people who ask me is ... do not give in to the frustration.   When I see someone get frustrated, my heart goes out to them.  As an onlooker, I see there is no need for it.  I also know it is not as easy as just being told to not think about it and move on.  Most people have more innate athletic ability than I do.  So, I know each one of them can surpass me on the road I am on.  
Right now I am working on taking this ability of focusing through frustration in my workouts to my diet program as well.  I wish I could say I was as positive minded as I am in my workouts, but I am getting there.  Although frustrated this past week on the results I saw, I didn't fall into my old traps.  I stayed the course.  I remained focused.  This was a huge milestone for me.  I will continue to work on having realistic expectations and not getting frustrated to begin with.  But, for now I will celebrate that my focus remained despite frustration.

Four Months Is Just the Beginning...

Success is not a place at which one arrives but rather the spirit with which one undertakes and continues the journey.   ~ Alex Noble

To be completely honest, I am extremely disappointed that I didn't start this blog 4 months ago, as I would have preferred that I documented the beginning steps in detail as they happened.  However, my journey will be a long one so although I can be extremely proud of what has been accomplished in this time, I think there will be so many milestones reached, that I will not be short of material to write about.
But as regretful as I may be now that I didn't start this blog earlier,  I can't be too hard on myself.  I never imagined the first day I put on boxing gloves that this was the journey I was about to take.  
Thanks to a trainer who video taped much of my progress, I will take the time to go back and document in as much detail as I can all of the last 4 months at a later time.
For now,  I'll overview where I've been and where I hope to go.   Weight and athletic performances have been struggles my entire life.  Although I played soccer for 10 years as a child and enjoyed the games, I hated practicing.  I loathed running.  Food and, in later years, beverages have always been a comfort, a social affair and an addiction.
I fought the struggle in various ways with some very good victories over the years.   I also fell in defeat at times.   Thirteen months ago when the gym I went to started to have difficulties, I decided to look for a new alternative.  One of the options was a gym that specialized in boxing and MMA and although I had never had any interest in such things, I joined.  I began to take group fitness classes that centered around boxing on a heavy bag.   I loved the instructors, the workouts, and the fact that I was using my mind.  The amount of workouts I was doing picked up ... sometimes I was even doing 2 workouts a day.  I began to average 1 workout per day, month after month.
But, as it often happens with gyms, the instructors left, the members changed and the whole vibe was altered.  My workouts started to decrease and my interest wavered.  When the last of my favorite instructors (https://www.facebook.com/EspoBoxing) decided it was time for him to leave as well, it was like taking an actual punch.  Not only had we become friends, so I would miss that part, but I knew I would struggle to continue.  In chatting with him, I realized how strong his passion was to train people, not only because he loves boxing but because he loves to be a part of a team helping people improve, from kids to people trying to get fit to professional fighters.  True to my type A personality, I approached my personal trainer & friend (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Joshs-Gym/269919573046787) about letting him train out of his gym and it worked out perfectly.  
[As an aside, another time I will love to explain what a difference in my life it has been to have a personal trainer who worked to address my limitations and build me up from there.]
One may think that this was an easy transition for me to take this trainer's class and now work one-on-one with him.  Not at all.  I was scared to death.  There is a huge difference between being with 15 other people, following instructions and punching a heavy bag and being one-on-one with mitts.  There were a few times I had punched mitts during classes and hated it.  I was terrible at it.  I was embarrassed.  I was disappointed in my abilities (or lack there of). 
Now I had agreed to do this for 45 minutes.  What had I gotten myself into?  I knew I would be terrible.  I knew I'd be self-conscious.  That was how my mind was trained to think and I wanted to be true to my track record and make an excuse to cancel.
It is four months later and I'm so glad that I did not cancel that first day.  I'm not terrible.  I'm not ashamed to have others see me train.  I'm not a quitter.
It hasn't been easy, but not only have there been changes in my body, but there are changes in my mind that I would have never expected.  I've learned a skill that I never thought I would love learning.  I have a confidence and a belief in possibilities I had given up on.
I expect this to only be the beginning of my journey.   I should get in better shape.  I know I will get stronger.  I am sure I will get faster.  But what I never expected at all when I started was that boxing would help me box myself out of box I have kept myself in for sometime now.   I don't need to be self-conscious, to fail or be frustrated. 
As I write this blog I am going to include videos to help me (and anyone else who wants) to see the progress I am making.  This is some work we put in last night.