I allowed myself some time off during the holidays from my normal workout and diet. Then the cold weather and cold/flu season took its toll. Although I never completely unraveled, I would be lying if I said I followed the plan that I was married to from October to December.
In addition to the seasonal struggles, there were work and general life stresses. But, I also allowed other people's opinions of me and my journey to once again produce a fog on the road I'm traveling. During the past couple of weeks I have thought a lot about that part of my struggle. Honestly, my concentration on this was brought on by the reaction I saw from the Biggest Loser Season Finale.
Although I am not a avid fan of the show, I do try to watch it. I find the transformations astounding. I cry with the contestants. I relate with the struggle and the pain. I DVR the show sometimes so that when I hit the hour mark on the treadmill watching it, they are at last chance workouts and it motivates me to keep going.
The winner of this season had an amazing transformation going from 260 to 105 lbs. I understand that she was below healthy weight at that time, but she was 105 at weigh in but had actually went back up to 122 lbs by the time of the finale. Just like fighters drop weight to "make weight", she was trying to win a prize. However what I took note of was how quickly everyone was to find fault in something that was meant to be positive. Of course, she should not starve herself and have an opposite relationship with food than what she had prior to the show. But, I question why people assumed the worst about her and her journey.
Unfortunately, this happens too often, where people look to find fault. That woman fought hard to change herself for the better. She was proud and happy. I don't know her but I believe her when she says that she is focused on maintaining a healthy lifestyle going forward.
Similarly, I have found that some people have wanted to make assumptions about me and my motivation. I am writing this blog (and share my workouts on Facebook) because it helps me. This is an creative outlet for me that allows me to straighten my thoughts. I post my workouts on Facebook to keep me accountable. Additionally, numerous people have told me that when they see a post about my workout it pushes them to get to the gym. I am not doing so to be boastful, judgmental or egotistical. I am not doing so to promote a business venture nor a certain diet / workout routine. I am sharing my story for me... and if it helps someone else in the meantime, that touches my heart and is more motivation for me to going forward.
The last 6 weeks have not been easy for me and I have needed to refocus many times. I set a hard goal for myself 5 weeks ago, which in retrospect may not have been the best thing for my mind. I was determined to hit the 50 lb loss mark by February 15th, 4 months from the date I committed to a healthier diet to compliment my ramped up workouts. Honestly, I did not achieve my goal. However, I did lose 50 lbs in 4 months and 1 day. And despite how anyone else feels about it, I will be proud of it. I worked hard for it. I also sabotage myself at times... which made that number on the scale even more meaningful. Not only was it a win over haters, my past, my winter blahs and stress... but it was a triumph over myself.
I hesitated sharing my victory because of how people may react. I can't care about those who may have something bad to say, because they clearly don't care about me.
As I look back on the past 4 months, a lot has changed. Mostly me. The weight is one thing, but there is so much that came with that. My view has changed a bit... my view of myself, my world, my desires and my future.
I will say that my boxing (which is what started this all) has improved. I became comfortable working out on a double end bag. I learned how to throw combinations South Paw and alternate between that and Orthodox. Being at a lower weight has allowed me to be lighter on my feet. Finally, we are able to work on my footwork.
This journey has just begun, but progress has been made. I do need to keep reminding myself that some days are harder than others but that I have to just keep moving forward, despite struggles or what other people have to say. If I fail, it only hurts me. But when I succeed, not only can I inspire others, but I may just amaze myself.
